Touch, Parenting, and the Joy of Embodiment with Merreley Donohue

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Show Notes:

Episode 11: The ORCAS Model: Supporting Ourselves and Each Other

In this second episode of our Winter Healing Circle series, I sit down with my dear friend and co-teacher Merreley Donohue – one of those people whose very presence brings safety and calm to the nervous system. Together we explore what it means to live and parent through the lens of somatic awareness, to ask for and receive support, and to bring body-based wisdom into everyday life.

This conversation touches on embodiment, nervous system regulation, motherhood, and the surprising power of connection – both in person and through the screen.

Episode Breakdown

00:00 — Welcome & introduction to the Winter Healing Circle series
03:10 — How Sarah and Marilee met in Valdez, Alaska
06:00 — Marilee’s background in bodywork, Rolfing, and Somatic Experiencing
10:00 — Life in small-town Alaska & finding micro-communities of support
15:00 — What brought Marilee to somatic work personally and professionally
18:30 — Parenting teens, self-care, and learning to regulate through chaos
22:00 — “I don’t have time!” — carving out micro-moments of presence
24:00 — Learning to ask for and receive support
30:00 — Trusting body cues and nervous system language
34:00 — Virtual touch work and the power of intention
41:00 — Supporting pregnancy, birth, and babies with somatic tools
47:00 — Intergenerational nervous system patterns and resilience
50:00 — Parenting as presence: finding regulation (and muffins) in hard moments
55:00 — Assisting in somatic trainings & the beauty of shared growth
1:00:00 — Closing reflections & details on the upcoming Winter Healing Circle

Resources Mentioned

• The Winter Healing Circle Website

• Falls + Close Calls Masterclass Registration - 10/30 @ 4pm AK/8pm ET

•  Merreley's Website

•  

  Merreley's Instagram

Submit your questions for the Q&A [here]

Photos and links from this episode: www.mindandmountain.co/podcast 

Transcript:

Sarah 0:01
Hi there. Welcome back. We are back for another episode in this two part series where I am introducing you to my besties and CO hosts for the winter healing circle. This week, we get to have a conversation with Mary Lee Donahue, who is just one of my favorite people in the world, and one of the people with whom my nervous system feels the safest. It's really it's really a gift to have someone like that in your life. So I'm psyched that you'll get to meet Mary Lee. We gathered on Zoom to have this conversation. She lives in a little town that's six hours away from Anchorage where we met when I was living there as well. And yeah, we've been good friends for a long time now. So

Sarah 1:00
if you didn't listen to last week's episode with Echo, that was the first in this series. So both echo and Marilee are supporting me this year in our winter healing circle containers, which just means that they are going to come to the group calls and be present with us. Help Me hold the container and the support system for the participants and add things to I'm generally leading the calls and they're there to, like, help add things that I might have missed, or share their own perspectives and stories, just like, add some dimensionality to what we're doing there together, and then also to potentially if, like, I get sick or need to miss a class, they'll be stepping in to hold the container and lead the call. I expect that would maybe only happen once or twice throughout the winter. I'm generally the one who will be in charge of those calls, but it feels really nice for my nervous system to have someone else there in support of me, so I'm not holding it all myself, and it's just a real joy to be able to collaborate in this work with these people that I just love to be in relationship with and so i i hope you enjoy this conversation with Marilee. She's such a dear person. And we, if you're listening to this in real time, winter healing circle is starting soon. The early bird rate expires at the end of October and I, we're doing a webinar about falls and close calls on Thursday night for the VIP list. If you are interested in that, get a taste of like, what it's like to apply this stuff to outdoor rec situations. And also just to learn from me in this way. And I think that's all I have announcement wise. So let's jump into the episode. I am here today with my good friend Mary. Lee, Donahue, Mary, I'm really excited that you are up for jumping on for this conversation.

Merreley 3:21
Hi Sarah. I'm really excited to be here. Thanks for inviting me. Yeah,

Sarah 3:27
yeah, it is. I know it's your first podcast interview, so yeah, we, but we, but we talk all the time about this stuff, so I figure we'll be able to just relax into it once we get going, at least, Yep, yeah, yeah, so. So for those of you listening, Marilee and I are go way back. We're good friends from when I lived in Valdez in before I moved here, over to Anchorage. And I think we may be, I don't know how we exactly first met, but we definitely started deepening our relationship when I was teaching ski babes in person there, and we were doing the like regular three times a week in person, small group ski babes workouts there, and in

Speaker 1 4:18
person, kind of like Original the OG ski, yeah, it

Sarah 4:21
was very much. Og was so fun. That was such a great group. Bunch of my good friends are came out of that group, and then, yeah, we just kind of hit it off and stayed in like, deepened into a friendship in a bunch of different ways. And then, after I moved to Anchorage, somehow, when the somatic experiencing training came around here in Alaska, we both signed up for the same training. I think we knew we were doing it, but it wasn't like we both had our own interest in the work. Yeah. Yeah, and came to the Training at the same time, which was amazing. It was Yeah. I know it's really Yeah. I mean, Merilee is just you guys. She's one of my, definitely one of my besties. And merrily did the she did the wedding that Luke for Luke and I. So she was the officiant for us. And now that we're we went through that training together, and that was incredible to share. And now we've been doing quite a bit of assisting inside of other the Alaska cohort, and also we've been traveling down to Columbia together to assist with the Colombian se cohort there. So we've, yeah, we've done a lot of this work together, outside of our friendship, and it's been really special in lots of ways.

Speaker 1 5:48
It has been we've traveled a lot together too.

Sarah 5:52
Yeah, it's been so great. We're a good, good fat, good fit. I was gonna say match and fit in a lot of ways. Yeah, how do you So, how do you like to introduce yourself?

Speaker 1 6:03
Mayor, oh, well, that's a good question, I guess, background wise, I come from a bodywork. Background, I come into the somatic experiencing and from bodywork. I first went to massage school over 30 years ago, and from there evolved into different multi, different multi, a lot of different techniques, and eventually found myself in Rolfing school. So Rolf, I study Rolfing, Structural Integration in Boulder, Colorado. And Peter Levine. Dr Peter Levine is who is the creator of somatic experiencing. Also studied with Dr Ida Rolfe, and was a Rolfer, so I was introduced to a lot of the somatic experiencing techniques and nervous system work during my training. That was about maybe 13 years ago or so, and I was always very curious to explore more of that, because as a structural integration practitioner, we're working a lot with the nervous system as well as the fascia and different body parts, but always with the thought of how that's affecting the nervous system. And I've really wanted to continue studying that. And I often looked for trainings like maybe this somatic training will work, maybe this one. And when I found out that it was in Alaska, it was just like a green light to follow that dream and continue exploring. Yeah, actually continue exploring. And then a lot has evolved from there. But I also just wanted to say that I've also been a birth doula throughout the last 20 years, maybe even more now, 25 years, off and on, depending on my availability. So that's been a big passion of mine, too, and I did apprentice with a midwife for a while, so I have a lot of background in birth and pregnancy. And I've been studying perinatal and prenatal trauma as well throughout the last few years. And, yeah, that's that. I'm sure there's more. Oh, I've also done some. I've studied a lot of different movement techniques, including studied a lot of yoga and the Franklin method and the melt method, and also spent a lot of time studying embodiment meditation with Judith Blackstone, who is the creator of the realization process. So from that background, I guess I said interweaving of all these techniques that are all basically somatic techniques, into what is evolving now, into the way that I'm working with people.

Sarah 9:18
Yeah, I know one of the ways I think of you is that you're just like a perpetual student. It's really cool, like you, you're just like always learning new things and deepening your experience. It feels, yeah, it's really impressive to me. I mean, we share that in some ways, but you've definitely gone deep into this embodiment, yeah,

Unknown Speaker 9:44
yeah. And then go ahead,

Sarah 9:47
go, No, I was gonna, I was gonna post you on the personal Yeah. Well,

Speaker 1 9:50
just like personally, I live in Valdez, Alaska. I've been in and out of Alaska for over 30 years, and full time. I'm here since 2004 I have two children. They're teenagers, one is 15 and one is 18, so technically an adult. And I love everything that has to do with being outside, and love playing outside and skiing and hiking and just walking and biking and learning about herbs and harvesting plants and herbs and yeah, I live here with my partner and my two children and a dog who had loved yearly and a cat who I also love dearly. Yeah, in a nutshell, that's me.

Sarah 10:53
Ah, it's great. Nice. I miss living in Valdez, close to you. That was a fun era when we were able to both be in small town there. Yeah, close to the mountains. Valdez. For those of you that don't know anything about Valdez, it's this little town of like, 4000 people, and it's nestled on it's on the ocean, but it's surrounded by these beautiful mountains. It's like, right close to the mountains, just this tiny little pocket of flat land inside of all these mountains. And yeah, you either, if you live in Vedas, you either spend a lot of time on the water, or you spend a lot of time in the mountains, or maybe both, because it's, it's like nature is just kind of everywhere.

Speaker 1 11:43
It is beautiful. It's intense. Often, yeah, beautiful,

Sarah 11:49
yeah, it's intense. Weather wise, for sure, it's like snowiest place in the country sometimes, yeah, anything else you'd say about living there,

Speaker 1 12:05
I've I love the art community here. One thing I've really been focusing on lately or noticing, is how we have the big community, and then we have all these micro communities, and I've been really just holding so much appreciation for these little, these micro communities that I have that are everywhere from, like my dance class, so the board that I'm on to this my the swim Team parents, like, just really trying to appreciate our communities that we create and are around us and around me. That's one thing that is just just been always super rich about living here, is the community aspect. And I think with the sometimes wildness of the world right now, it's just really, I've just been really appreciative of being here in this small community that's surrounded by nature and and again, like I said, like just appreciating those little micro communities that can also be so supportive and nurturing.

Sarah 13:23
Yeah, yeah. That makes me think about how life in small town Alaska and probably small town everywhere, to some extent, but because the weather is really so wild, they are so much we have to navigate, and you're far away from Valdez is five or six hours away from Anchorage in any type of, like, major store. So, yeah, it's a, it's really something to to live remotely. And that's not even that remote on Alaska scale. But the and there's a there's, like, a variety of different people with different political viewpoints. And, like, it's, of course, there's a spectrum of people that live, that come to live in a place like that, but you do have this sense that you do still have to depend on each other to some extent, right? Like, I really love that about a way in Alaska, in some ways, kind of forces us to figure out how to get along and coexist and find the ways we're similar, maybe instead of just the ways that we're different.

Speaker 1 14:36
Yeah, yeah, I feel like we are mostly all looking out for each other, and it feels that does, that does feel really supportive most of the time.

Sarah 14:51
Yeah, yeah, cool. Well, do you want to share like anything? Yeah, I'd love to hear you shared a little bit about what brought you to somatics on the like, a professional front. But would you share anything about, like, why you wanted to learn this stuff, either from the personal side, or, like, what? Why do you think what's what fuels your drive for all this learning? Yeah,

Speaker 1 15:26
I think originally it was this idea that I would learn this to help other people and help my clients. And what I really realized that what happened was that I realized how much this work has helped me have a new relationship with my own relationship, I mean, my own nervous system, and realizing how important that is to do all this self work and self regulation, and that's been one of the biggest learnings for me, is that as I've slowed down and learned this work, how much more present and available I can be for everyone I meet, including myself, but including My clients, including my family. And that's what I is, one of the things that has really fueled me and to continue learning and deepening into all of this, because noticing how my relationships have deepened so much I can really thinking about right now with my with my children, just how being feeling right, more regulated and able to be relational versus reactive in certain situations, and just being able to be really present and available, that's that's probably what has been the biggest, my biggest growth and learning in and why I keep doing what I'm doing, and then also the the way that my work has evolved and changed from being almost more complex to a more simple way of relating, like in the touch work that I do, for one it's like this, less is more that keeps evolving, and how how profound that shift has been, and how profound that I just keep getting so amazed and surprised at with the presence and intention of how much can change and shift in a person and and also, I think the Biggest thing, and we were talking about this little earlier, it's just my having, raising two teenagers, and seeing how my relationship has deepened and changed with them, has been especially my, especially my daughter. How, just how profound that shift has also been, and how it's definitely a work in progress, and that's one thing that definitely fuels me to keep learning more. And yeah, I'm wanting to stay with the learnings.

Sarah 18:38
I know what a what a time parenting teenagers really seems like quite the, quite the era of life. Yeah, is there more that you'd say about that? Like, how is that supporting you through this stage of parenthood?

Speaker 1 18:54
One of the, yeah, the biggest way, I think, for me, has been to really take care of myself, in knowing that I need to take the time to feel and reach out for support when I need support, and to give myself the time and space that I need to feel full and nurtured myself like that, my bucket or my cup is full before I try to try to take care of other people. And that's one thing that shifted for me, because generally, I've been just a doer and just go, go, go. And so this slowing down, that's happened, and this really like taking the time to to nurture myself and take care of myself has been, um. Um, I guess the a huge catalyst. And how then, when I feel nurtured and full, I can then give so much more and be so much more patient and present with my family.

Sarah 20:16
Yeah, yeah. Do you have, like, what would you say I can, like, almost hear the people's voices here, here? Like, sometimes I feel like I can hear the audience and their doubts in my head. And I'm so it makes me like, What would you say to somebody who is like, but I don't have time like, but I'm like, parenting takes all my time, or my life is so packed, I mean that so many of us live like that. You know, what would you

Speaker 1 20:49
what would you say? I would say that even taking a few moments

Speaker 1 20:58
to, like, five minutes to just sit and or walk, or like even carving out five minutes in a day can be like a huge like, Open Door to creating more time for yourself because I guess knowing that belief and knowing that, or trusting that, that by filling your cup just a little bit, you'll be able to give more and that you're it's a little bit counterintuitive. I've noticed because I've been in both shoes, but I guess there's just a there's a trust process of knowing that the more capacity that you have, the more capacity you have for yourself, the more capacity you'll have for other people. And they guess there is a trust process for that. But even carving out small moments of like, like taking a walk around the block, or even just around the building you're in, or looking at the sunshine, if it's out, or the mountains or the plants. It's like taking those micro, little move moments of of of time to be in the present moment and not so so caught up in what's next, yeah, which I know is hard, because I've been there too, right?

Sarah 22:31
Yeah, we both have. That's been a big part of both of our processes, is learning how to slow ourselves down enough to be just to be more present and trusting that that's worth the effort, even if it's so like countercultural and feels like you might be falling behind or dropping balls or letting people down, or whatever there's there's such an impact when we're able to, like, be fully in our bodies and relate to other people from that place.

Speaker 1 23:05
The other thing that has really shifted and changed in me is the ability to ask for and receive support like that has been a huge change. I used to be really more self sufficient and like headstrong in the way that, like, I don't need help and support, and yielding into that support, even like, like, I do it with you, Sarah. Like, just send you a text, like, I'm having a really hard day. And just having someone like, know that, and whether like that has been that's a huge thing too, is that's that's been a shift, and that I really encourage, encourage that in other people too, but it, it's, it can be challenging. I know this too, because it was,

Sarah 23:53
yeah, yeah. Do you want to share any more about that, like, what, what that process was like to because it really, I mean, we have reasons that we build up for not trusting support or learning, that we should do it on our own, like for good reason. So it really does take some time to for your system to trust a different way.

Speaker 1 24:17
I think, with the somatic experiencing trainings like learning. So much of that is learning what support and feeling safe feels like. And so with the with my emphasis of on that, or thinking about that quite a bit, and then being in these environments, like in our trainings, where we're in in a group of people with this, this knowledge and understanding and felt sense of what being with like, what co regulation feels like, and knowing that. That support is there and available, and that that other people want to support, support you as well, that it's not a burden, like I love it when you like, when you asked me for support, I was like, okay, good. I get to be a support person now, and so realizing and trusting that other people want to be supportive too. For me, that is that that took some time to like like, though, I guess bringing up silly stuff, like or not silly, but like, bringing up like, the worthiness stuff and all those other things that can come out sometimes that's been a big hurdle to overcome, and I one of the things that I appreciate so much about my life right now is all this support that I have, like from so many different friends and people and Colleagues and my therapist and my se practitioners. And, yeah, it's been, it's, it's, it's one of the things that really fuels me every day, is having that support system. And when it and I use it a lot, because life is a roller coaster.

Sarah 26:15
Yeah, yeah. Gosh, that's cool. It's making me it's reminding me sometimes I hear from people in ski babes like, especially when we're doing the sharing contest and we're like, inviting people to tell their friends if they have had a good experience with the program. Sometimes I'll hear back that people are like, I love your program, but I but I'm like, so embarrassed that I need that, I need a program that I like, need some somebody to, like, help me do my fitness. I should be able to do it on my own kind of thing. And, yeah, and I'm always like, Oh my gosh, that is such a that's, it's not uncommon. And it's, of course, it like comes from these over culture pressures to do everything on our own, or, who knows, whatever what, what else is wrapped up in there, that that creates those kind of beliefs that if we're receiving support, then there's something weak about us, or that somehow we're failing in some way, but, but, Yeah, that's been, like, just a huge shift for me too, that it's like, swung to almost the opposite of that, where it just feels like, the more support, the better. Like, bring it on. I can, like, know that all, and it's, it's not all support. I think, you know, we've learned, we started to learn that, like, what kinds of support feel good, and what kinds feel like they come with some other kind of, like, unspoken expectations, or other like, like, I'm gonna have to pay you back for it, or whatever. Like, there, there is yes, that kind of support that doesn't have the same kind of, like, really gentle feeling in the nervous system. But yeah, I'm right with you. That's been a big lesson, yeah,

Speaker 1 28:10
and I guess learning and trusting those skills from the your body cues of like, what feels good and what doesn't feel good and like, really, really learning, learning what those sensations feel like, like, when your body says like it doesn't feel good, like this person is offering something but it doesn't feel good and or if just that, that feeling of trusting that, that feeling Of like, if it's a yes or no, or if it's a that feels sticky, or if that doesn't feel sticky, or, you know, like that's Yeah too, because I think that is a whole language that's happening. I mean, I think I know there's a whole language that is happening between our nervous systems with each other, and in person, and I've noticed this even online, that you can pick up stuff like that, but that that there is this whole conversation that is happening that we've kind of, I'm relearning how to really tune into that, I Think that we've culturally kind of had to ignore so much of that throughout our lives and historically too, of like just, you know, being ignoring it to make everything nice, I guess, or you know. So that's one thing too, that I really tried to tune into. And and share that with my my children too. Like listen to what your body's saying, because it's really guiding you and teaching you, yeah,

Sarah 29:57
yeah, man, I'm so grateful. Well, for that skill set to have been building that over this journey as well, it it's feeling feels like, like, sorting out the messages in the body between the ones that are like coming from my trauma or my like past experiences that are maybe like overreactive, and then the ones that are like, feel like, oh, that's that's like some real wisdom for for right now that I need to listen to so helpful. Sometimes I'm like, How did I even navigate the world before I was able to, like, listen to my body? I don't know. I mean, we, we got through it, or some fumbling around for sure. Yeah, would you? I would love to hear you talk, if you have words for it, I know you've been deepening into like the way that the somatic work with the touch component can also translate to the virtual space. Would you share a little bit about that?

Speaker 1 31:06
Yeah, I, would I, I, let's see. Yeah, I just finished up this weekend assisting in a training called Touch skills for trauma therapists that Kathy Kane teaches, which is so i It's all fresh in my mind, but let's see how we can it's always amazing. And I every teacher I've had and every experience I've had working online have like, everyone's amazed how well it actually works, because there's been so much doubt, I think, since 2020 when everything went online. But this reality of like how easy it is to share experiences and even energetic space through all these pixels, it's just when it's just wild, but so and one of the things I've learned the most, and I've done a few online trainings, one of them that's developmental trauma based, and then this past one that I actually did in person, but then it's now, there's an online version of it too, that I was assisting in. So I've done both, and seeing the difference is it's one of the biggest things is when you're working with somebody online, like if I'm teaching you or not teaching you, but talking you through different holes, for example, one of the basic ones, excuse me, that we do is, is the kidney adrenal hold, which is very helpful to down regulate the nervous system. And it's part of our signaling system that is in like our hyper keeps us in a hyper vigilant state. When I'm in person, I'll gently slide my hand underneath if someone's on my table, or if I'm sitting next to them, I'll put my hand on their kidney adrenal area. But when I'm talking, when we're doing it online, it's more the it's more with intention, and the person that I'm working with actually has will put their own attention, or even their own hand in that area, and with that, it's a different felt sense, so the person actually comes away from the session with a tool that they have support from their own hand and intention versus like my hand or someone else's hand, if I'm working in person. So just watching the students over this past weekend and seeing how supported they felt just by the intention, and it's always permit with permission to, like some people, sometimes even having someone put attention to that area is too much, even online, even across the computer. So it's very interesting, but it is completely it's a trend can be a transforming, transforming experience, just just having that felt sense from the self versus someone else actually putting their hands on you. So there's huge benefits. And we marvel at it. We marvel at it all weekend, but like how effective it is. And I know that we've talked about it too, Sarah, like, even in our se training, how some of the exercises we did, how, how wild it was to feel so much from over the over the computer.

Sarah 34:57
Yeah, it is wild. It's it like. I feel like inside of the like, logical part of our brains that are we're taught to, like, trust things that we can see and and tactically make contact with and like that that's what we can trust. It like, doesn't logically make sense, that it should be so impactful, which I think is why people are like, Oh my gosh. I can really feel that when when they are in a session or in a as a student in a practice space. But yeah, I felt that too, when I have received this kind of like virtual touch work. It's really nice to be able to go to a practitioner and do it in person. But I know, like many of us, don't live right, like, in a convenient way to make that possible, or schedules don't match, or, you know, for a variety of reasons, or sometimes it's it feels a little bit more comfortable to be in your own space and not to have to, like, go into somebody else's Office or whatever, and receive it. But the times when I received virtual touch work have been super powerful. And I, like, in some there's like a part of me that in some way, sometimes I've noticed it even feeling better than the in person stuff, because it's like, when I'm intentionally feeling where I want the support, I can get it just exactly where I want it. Because it's like, I like, I'm able to do that in my with the with the imagination and the intention, whereas in person, sometimes it's like, there's just, if it's just, it's close, but not quite. Yeah, which, of course, if you're doing this in person with somebody, you should cue them in and help them find the right just the right spot. But sometimes that doesn't always happen. So yeah, I my kidneys and adrenals have, for sure, responded very profoundly to that kind of work, actually, and I'm thinking about a client too. I'll check with her before we share this. I won't share the specifics, but I did have a client that I did those kidney adrenal holds with virtually, and she shared that before she was getting like, some ultrasounds to check something about maybe, like liver health or something like that. And had been for one before we had done the done this session, and they hadn't been able to find her kidney adrenals on on the scans because, because they had, they had, like they were so far up inside her body that they weren't showing up on the ultrasound. And then we did the kidney adrenal holds virtually, and they actually, like physically, moved so much in the in her body that when she went back in for a scan, that there they were in the spot where the tech expected them to be. That was like the most amazing actual like validation, other than her felt sense of how much it felt like it changed inside her own body, but to have like an actual tech be able to show that was pretty cool.

Unknown Speaker 38:21
Yeah, it's super cool.

Sarah 38:24
Yeah, it's pretty neat stuff. I can see why you're like, especially coming from the role thing and the touch side of things you've like been deepening into that the way that the touch aspect of this work can be so supportive. Do you have a sense for like? Are there certain types of clients that you feel like are more like you tend to work on the touch side more than like? The sum of somatic experiencing is done without touch and just through like talking sessions. Do you? How do you sort people?

Speaker 1 39:06
Yeah, that's kind of an evolving process. Most people, most people that come to my office, we end up doing touch work, and I guess more my online clients is more somatic experiencing, more talk stuff. But I think what's really changed is the way that my sessions begin like it's always like with Somatic Experiencing anyway, and then all these different lenses that I have, like I, I we, my begin, all my sessions really began with a somatic experiencing sort of conversation of just really kind. Connecting and finding out what's going on or what, what support people need for that day. And sometimes I'll just say, what is it you need today? And we'll go from there, whether it's touch or just just more Somatic Experiencing support style, yeah, but it's a it's definitely evolving. It's been an evolution for the last few years of how my practice has changed a lot and how it's starting to look and I'm excited and curious to see where it's going.

Sarah 40:33
Yeah, yeah. Me too nice. Would you share I because I, I know there's a lot of parents out there or people who work with kids, I want to open up space for you to talk about both your work with as like a doula, the like, how it is to work with super little ones with this lens. And then if there's any other parenting related things you'd share?

Speaker 1 41:02
Yeah, let's see. I I've been working with quite a few

Speaker 1 41:13
pregnant women lately. I've found this, this area, really, I've seen a lot of let's see, how do I say this all, I really love working with pregnant women. I've had a few first time mothers lately, where we've had some really rich sessions while they were pregnant to prepare them for birth, and clearing up their own birth history trauma, and then clearing up fears of their their birth, that's for their, you know, for their coming birth. And then I've had the experience of working doing that, and then being a doula for some parents, and then act, and then working with them post post birth, and that's just been a really and then working with babies. I have been working a lot with babies the last couple years, reducing Somatic Experiencing techniques in this touch work, and also cranial sacral therapy, and also working with parents and families too. I've done I've done some work there, so I do feel like that's a really huge passion of mine lately. Really just seeing, just feeling like addressing some of these issues early on can really help the attachment with all that was attachment stuff and developmental issues, like just creating more of an open space through for the rest of people's lives, like like addressing things right away at birth or soon thereafter, and just feel like that can be really helpful in Creating less stress later in life, especially when it's in mothers and in families, and it helps with bonding, and it's been helping with and even physical stuff with some of the babies just getting them more comfortable in their own little bodies that they're just trying to figure out if there's been birth trauma has just been, I love it, and it's, I do see so much, yeah, so much change that's been really, really heartwarming and beautiful to experience. And it always feels like such a gift to work with, gosh, work with the littles.

Sarah 44:00
So cool. You know, we were just so the last time we traveled to Columbia, we were with a friend who was sharing about how she had she had thought that her kids wouldn't have any before they consciously remembered things that they wouldn't like, anything that happened to them before that age, wouldn't they wouldn't remember, right, because they wouldn't have, like, conscious memory of it. And then had realized, after, like, working with some of her kids over time, that maybe some of what they were navigating was some of that early childhood impact that's more of like a body memory than a conscious brain memory, yes, for sure, yeah. So do you have more words to explain that? Or hope that makes sense for people who are like, What do you mean? Infant?

Speaker 1 44:57
Yeah? Okay, yeah. Yeah, even, even pre and Perinatal, even in the utero, yeah, the as the fetus is developing, they're in communication with the mother's nervous system, and there's direct effect on the physiological development of the baby in utero. And so if there's if the mother's having stress, the baby's having stress, or if there's outward chaos, then that baby is developing that so, yeah, there's that body memory, is they I mean, people say it goes to the moment of conception, if not even ancestrally, there's there's evidence that we have. We share the same nervous system as it's three generations. So it's grandmother, mother and child that your experience that, especially with females, that it's yeah, that we're sharing the same nervous systems as our mothers and our grandmothers, and then our daughters will have the same will share the same nervous systems as our grandmothers and mothers, And so it's, it's all in there. It's a lot, like, there's so many layers, and we're just a lot of it. We're just discovering and finding out about,

Sarah 46:30
yeah, yeah. It's really incredible. And, and, like, not in a, not in, like, a scary way, though, right? Like, I feel like sometimes parents, especially mothers can hear that and be like, Oh my God, if I'm stressed at all, I'm gonna, like, mess my kid up, but, but we know that, like, that's that's not really it, because our nervous systems are designed to move through activation cycles, activation and deactivation cycles, and so it's Not that you can't be stressed at all. It's just like, as we learn these regulation strategies, we are able to move through them in a more smooth way, and then hopefully also be supported while we're moving through them, so we're not, like, completely sucked into it too much, and even if you do get totally sucked in as you can come back out,

Speaker 1 47:20
yeah, yeah, and realizing we're resilient, we're all so resilient, and especially as children and babies, are so resilient. And one of the things that that Kathy Kane said a few times this weekend was that like we are the product of result or not products, but we are our ancestors are all so resilient. That's why we're still here. And so really knowing that we are the resilient people that are the, you know, the future and here now, and that's our past history, the reason so just knowing that that is the truth too, that there is so much we have so much resiliency.

Sarah 48:07
Yeah, I love that. So it's so easy to think like we are the nervous systems of our grandparents, but and think of that in like a problem way, like we're inheriting whatever, like problems that come along with that. But you're out, you're that's so important to I'm so glad you said that we're inheriting all of that resilience as well. Yeah, that's really important. Yeah. And then this work that you're talking about doing to support pregnancy or infants or children, or parents like anywhere along that lifespan is really helping also move through any of those like activation cycles that got interrupted along the way. And I mean, we also have that neuroplasticity potential throughout life as well too, right? If things are not functioning the way, the most ideal way or the way we want them to that, that's where this work comes in.

Speaker 1 49:11
I guess I would add to just like increasing our capacity to handle the stress and to to be able to I to, I guess I always think of like relate versus react, like just to be more relational versus reactionary. This feels really important, especially in the whole realm of parenting, because that's definitely where I've seen myself change. Yeah.

Sarah 49:41
Can you talk more about that? Because you were, you were saying, Before we hit record, you were talking about how it's helped you, like, be present. I don't know what the words were exactly. Instead of trying to fix things, what were you saying there?

Speaker 1 49:56
Oh, yeah, I think it's, it's helped in my own parent. Thing by being able to be much more present and noticing that I don't go in and try to fix everything. I think I used to, if my kids had a problem, I would go in and try to, like, okay, let's make it better and smooth it over, taking now that I'm able to, like, take a step back and let the situation land a little bit, and then try to approach it from a more just being really present and available, just to listen and understand the situation is try to, instead of trying to change what's actually happening that's that's been a big change, and then having a teenage, teenager, teenage daughter in particular is can be sometimes. For me, anyway, it's been a little challenging. There's been moments I was just thinking about an experience that happened last night, where it was Sunday night, it was a long weekend, and it was a moment where nothing was going right, and she really wanted to make some blueberry muffins, and finally, we were able to Make the blueberry muffins. And still, nothing was right. But what kept, what we kept saying was, but the muffins are made, and so just finding like these little things that even though the whole rest of the night and everything else was falling apart, it was like focusing on like, what feels regulated, and what is regulating is like the muffins are made, or even this morning, having a thought about Monday morning, going to school was a little rough, and trying to find like, the one thing that is good and like that you can focus on, but Not in a way that's like not hearing what she's saying. There's like, a way that does to introduce it in a way, like just focusing on like, what's regulated and versus in amidst everything that's that's not great, just focusing on like, well this morning, I said, well, at least it's one less day that you have to go to school this year, and that would seem to be a little bit helpful, just a tiny bit, but just focusing on even if something just feels a little bit better than, than what, than the worst, than when everything is just the worst, because there's moments like that with teenagers, it seems. But that's just one example, or a couple examples.

Sarah 52:44
I know those are so good. There's so, I mean, there's so much there. It's like, I feel like sometimes when we talk about this aspect of somatic work, which has this where we're working so hard to find we call it the counter vortex, you know, where it's like, what, what else is out there that's like, a little bit less bad, or even maybe good. Sometimes it kind of sounds like you're bright siding things, or, like, ignoring the whatever the challenges are, and just in trying to just be like, like, toxic positivity, like, where's the good stuff? We're only going to pay attention to that. But I I know either nuance of what you're talking about, there has more to do with, like, when we have that little piece of something that's like, a little bit more stabilizing, then we can be, actually be with the other stuff a little bit easier. Instead of getting, like, I don't know, like, drowned by it, because it's so much tough stuff when you have, like, a little bit, when at least you have a muffin, that it's like, then there's like, potential to notice the muffin and then also notice the other stuff, and just to actually be with it A little bit better.

Speaker 1 54:01
Yeah, and I've also been able to introduce some a lot of the touch work stuff with the down regular near the nervous system. So that's been really helpful, too.

Sarah 54:12
I bet that's so cool. Your kids are so lucky to have you. That's amazing. Well, cool. I feel like we're we're coming to the end here. We were going to maybe talk a little bit about the assisting work that we've been doing and traveling to Colombia and supporting folks down there, and just how much we've enjoyed sharing the sharing this work with students and clients. I don't know there's tons to say there, but is there anything that comes to mind that that you want to share on that topic as we wind down here? I.

Speaker 1 55:00
What comes to mind is just, I feel so blessed to be able to share this work with people. And also, I guess again, it brings me into that what we talked about earlier, about being in this container that feels like we're having these co like, I guess, like these conversations, like somatic conversations or like CO regulating conversations that like and having these conversations that go that are happening even without words. And so that's what reminds me, when I of that, when I think about even just going down to Columbia, and how watching this, how, as a assistants and as the students, we have evolved in the last two years, and then again, with the Alaska cohort of just that, watching people like even change physiologically, like they look different at the end of two years. So many, so many things, it's hard to think of just a few, but that's one of the things that when I I feel this warm just gratitude for being able to share these experiences with people, and

Speaker 1 56:32
just being able to have have a different relationship and felt sense and yeah, with with everybody. And yeah, yeah, it really is, yeah.

Sarah 56:51
I was just listening to you there and thinking about all of the, I mean, the arc of my own learning journey, and how much I feel like has changed inside of my nervous system over the years and continues to be impacted by this work. I feel like I'm like, touched by all of the different students and clients that I work with, too, just because I've started to be able to feel that way, that our nervous systems are interactive, and like I'm receiving often from sessions, just as not, not just in this support role, you know, it's like our nervous systems are having this mutual experience, which is really profound and Amazing. And yeah, it's, it is so fun to watch a student's journey from like just starting to get the very basics of the early skills and the first few classes, to watching it settle in and and land so much deeper over over time. It's like, I mean, so much of this, we've tried to put language around this before, but the way it's like, there's one level of understanding it in your cognitive brain, of, like, Okay, I think I see what's happening here, and then there's this other, like, boom, kind of thing that happens when it starts to be able to land in the body, and the nervous system can, like, allow it self, to be, to shift and change and operate differently. Is is really something? It is. Yeah, it's powerful. Sometimes they call it sober psychedelics. We've had, like, those kind of experiences in some of our personal sessions too, where it's like, Wow, where did that come from? That's pretty cool stuff. Okay, so I know you have a client session to get to soon, and I guess I'll just wrap up here by letting folks know that we're really excited for this. I'm glad we were able to have this conversation, and it's we're doing it kind of in anticipation of the winter healing circle group that's coming up here in a couple weeks. We'll start up mid November, if you're listening to this in real time, and merrily is supporting me as a co teacher and inside of the Thursday group, which we're doing at an earlier time than we've done before. We're doing it at 11, from 11 to one on Thursdays Alaska time, with the hope that it'll that timing will be supportive for people who have a different kind of schedule, maybe kids, or if you resonate with any of the stuff that merrily shared about kids and parents and birth and all of that, she's going to be doing a. Um, one on one sessions for probably about half of those group members. So if you want to, you have an opportunity to receive sessions with her, too. If you want to come along into that group, we were it's forming right now. We've got enrollment open, and I'll put links in the show notes and things if you have any curiosity about that, where what we're doing inside of that group, I'm really excited to share that space with you. Mayor will be

Sarah 1:00:29
I'm excited. Super fun. Yeah,

Sarah 1:00:33
yeah. And is there anything else you want people to know? Where can people find you, or if they want to reach out? Is there a way to do that? Do you want them to

Speaker 1 1:00:44
Yeah, I do have a website. It's merrily donahue.com Sarah can put the it's, it's hard. My name is hard to spell, but I can link it up. That'll be okay, yeah, yeah, R, E, L, E, y, and then I do have a Instagram. It's move, dot breathe, dot play Instagram that you can message me there.

Sarah 1:01:18
Nice, cool. Thanks for being here merrily. I appreciate you so much. Look forward to our next time together, too. Sarah, thank you for inviting me of love. You're welcome to you too. Okay, bye, y'all. Thanks for being here. Bye, bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai